I Can Love You, But Can You Love Me?
by misto-shadow
Summary: You know, I've come to realize that the title really doesn't have to have any relation to the fic whatsoever. So anyway, it's sounds dramatic but it's just my most prized drabble. EVER. Please read, it's JirxTsu! You know you love them to pieces. n.n


**Disclaimer**- Shut up and read!! ……And no, I don't own anything, heartbreaking as it is.

I Can Love You, But Can You Love Me?

**.x.x.x.x.x.**

Warm hands, black eyes that laughed and smiled, bear hugs, irritating jibes, snide remarks, a big heart, and a love you had to dig for under all that stuff that just made him such a _guy._

That was Jiraiya.

That was all the stuff, right there, that made her love him. And what was she supposed to do about that in a relationship that was all crude humor, booze and broken noses?

It was frustrating, but worth it. She didn't have to actually tell him how she'd die inside if he went out on a mission or one of his little research trips and never came back. She didn't have to say soft stuff or hug him or kiss him or _live with him_ (Lord have mercy on her soul if she did) or recite those bonding words in a church just to get the point across that he meant something to her.

All of that stuff happened in their few and far in between moments. A serious look with smoldering black eyes said everything, and she was sure the way she acted and how she moved and the shine in her eyes said it all back.

But it was hard sometimes, when Hokage was just too _hard_ to be anymore and paperwork walled her in on every side and she had to meet with high class officials that just thought they were all that and a bag of chips. It was hard when he came in and made some silly comment that sent her through the roof and she just wished he'd bring her tea and rub her shoulders and say something sweet instead. Something to make it all worth it at the end of the day.

She cried into her pillow once, in the middle of the night when no one was around to hear. She cried for the man that stood out everywhere he went, the perverse goofball that shed some light on a dull day. He had gone missing on a mission. It was just scouting, how could anything go wrong?

Well, she loved him, didn't she? That was immediately a warrant for an untimely death if there ever was one. Her brother, her lover, and now…she couldn't give a name to what he was. He was Jiraiya. He was an eternal companion, life long friend, and a booze drinking buddy. He played all the right cards, won all her money and still was around without caring a thing for debts. He might've joked about it, but he owned her, and she was okay with that because it just gave her an excuse for not giving away her heart to anybody else.

He came back and she yelled at him and bruised his arm with an emotional slugger to the bicep. There was a little bit of regret that they weren't more than friends, so she couldn't cry or hug him or be glad to finally have him in the house again. But she was Tsunade and he was Jiraiya, so it wouldn't have happened anyway. They went to bar, drank away the tension, and he bought her drinks as a disguised apology for making her worry.

She thought about all of those things as she walked down a dusty Konoha road with him at her side. Another bar trip, another hangover, another reason to put off the paperwork. An obscure little place on the edge of town, The Paper Butterfly. Yellow hanging lights, worn out tables, bar tenders that didn't have to have fancy tricks just to serve a beer, and plenty of cards to go around. This was a Jiraiya kind of place if there ever was one.

The aftermath was a beautiful, fuzzy memory. Snippets of conversation with the big man beside her, warm hands, smoldering back eyes, and not enough clothing to be deemed decent. And she was totally, utterly smashed.

Well, she told him that when they woke up in the morning. But the whispers in the back of her head reminded her it was just an excuse to pawn off their night as a slip-up. A one time mistake. She wondered if he remembered anything, and for moment she thought he had some gaps due to the serious quiet. But then again, they were so alike, she knew he was trying to hide his awareness of the whole thing too.

It was almost humorous, she thought, how they both knew what happened and that the other knew it too but no one would say anything or try to explain. But that would only happen if they were different people living different lives. They were Jiraiya and Tsunade, love expressed through glances and drunken accidents and bruises and perversity.

And after years of this she decided something. She decided it was time for a change. They weren't young, they weren't gaining any years as they lost them, and she thought it'd be nice for once to wake up to another body beside her and know it wasn't a drunken accident.

"Jiraiya, you are an idiot, a fool, a crude perverted man that has hands that wander a little too much for his own good."

"You flatter me, hime!" He grinned, rubbed the back of his head.

But when he looked at her again she wasn't rolling her eyes or walking away. She was still standing there, and he knew she had a piece coming.

"What's up?"

"You have more faults that I can count, you drink too much, what you write is a load of garbage, and you need to get a hair cut."

"Get to the point." A scowl was settling on his face, something akin to what he looked like when Naruto called him a Pervy Sage around a pretty girl.

"I'm tired of getting drunk and telling you things I shouldn't say, I'm tired of having a hangover and you trying my patience, and I'm tired of--"

"Tsunade! Are you…are you _breaking up with me!?"_

He pulled a mask of hurt and she ground her heel into his foot, earning a swallowed grunt of pain.

"And I'm tired of your stupid attempts at humor."

"Really Tsunade, what is this about?"

He was serious now, and she found it was finally time to get on with her piece.

"But there are a lot more things in my life that I'm tired of, and I thought, a long time ago, that Dan would fix those problems. But since…since his death I've had to deal with them all on my own. We're not getting any younger, Jiraiya, and my problems aren't going away any time soon."

They were sharing one of those serious moments again. But the look in his eyes was new, the expression on his face unfamiliar. Gaze unwavering, he asked her if she was done with slightly raised eyebrows. Her mouth remained shut, and he proposed a deal.

"I could lighten the load any time, you know. All the time, if it's fitting."

And they didn't have to say 'I love you', didn't have to kiss and spend every waking moment sharing sweet words like they were different people. He wrapped her hands in his warm big ones, offered a genuine smile with soft eyes and she returned it. And now maybe she'd get her shoulder rub tea combo on rough days, maybe she'd finally be able to wake up and smile at the not drunken mistake beside her.

"You know hime, it's about time you admitted your old bones can't take as much as they could in our younger days!"

But one thing wouldn't change, and it still wouldn't bother her if she had to break his face on her fist when he said something he damn well knew he shouldn't have.

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(……you know, maybe I should write fics in the middle of the night more often.)

My god I actually like what I wrote. O.o Hmmm……the sky doesn't appear to be on fire…I don't see any flying pigs……well! This is a rare occasion indeed! Please, PLEASE review!! I need to know that you JirxTsu shippers are satisfied with what I've done! Dammit, review even if you aren't a JirxTsu shipper! I will go as far as saying that out of everything I've done I like this the best. Except maybe for Death Butterfly, because it's the first chappie fic I ever finished and ended it to my satisfaction.

So, please review the authoresses favorite one-shot, okey? I'll love you forever, and if I can draw shy JirxTsu shippers out of the woodwork I will most definitely dedicate an authors note chappie to you! And there might be another drabble as a follow up to this one in it for you…. ;)

Anyways, I will now shamelessly advertise for my sole other JirxTsu fic. Go read it. Please. :)

Mistoffelees Shadow


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